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I sipped the amber liquid in my glass which burned my lips and throat as I stared at the papers arrayed across my desk. They all said the same thing. Some of them were nicer about it than others. It all came down to the same answer, though.
I picked up the one I’d received from the Board of Scientific Study Approvals. The paper was thicker than the others like they thought their rejection was more important than the one I’d gotten from Dynamic Industries. It was almost card stock. Leave it to the government to be the extravagant ones. I poured myself another drink as I read the letter again. I’d lost track of how many times I had read it. I could practically recite it.
Dr. Watkins,
We have reviewed your findings and have unanimously decided that they do not warrant approval for more than animal testing. It is our opinion that you should cease all experimentation, in fact. Frankly, Doctor, the results you have sent us and numerous other groups are nothing short of disturbing and inhumane. With minimal successes, we cannot ethically, or morally, permit your experiments to continue.
If we receive any further word that you have continued your work after this notice, we will have no choice but to revoke your license.
Sincerely,
Brett Coralis
Head of the Board of Scientific Study Approvals
“Cowards.”
I put the paper back down with the others and leaned back in my chair. I glanced at the six syringes sitting on the tray on the edge of my desk. Needles didn’t bother me. It was the contents that made my pulse race.
They’d forced my hand. It wasn’t that I wanted to do this. What other choice was there? If they would just give me the Chance I need.
I switched on the camera as I finished my drink. There was no going back. I had nothing to go back to if this fell through.
“My name is Doctor Anthony Watkins, unaffiliated geneticist. For years, I have been trying to bring to light the existence of a dormant set of genes in sapient beings that I discovered in my freshman year of university. At first, no one believed me. They didn’t see the differences that I did. No one wanted to help me because they couldn’t see what I saw.
I almost lost myself to the need to unlock this mystery. What did it change? Why was it there?” I closed my eyes for a moment as I thought back to the first time I’d seen my Destiny.
“I decided my degree was more important than my passion.”
I poured myself another glass despite the slight blurring of my vision. This could very well be my last night alive. Why not enjoy it a bit? Besides, I couldn’t let my grandfather’s whiskey go to waste like that.
“I didn’t stop all of my experiments. I couldn’t at that point. It had become an obsession to understand what these genes did. I did my tests in my spare time using any money that I could scrape together. I was so close to the answers. The keys were in reach, I knew it. Food was less important than the answers. Everything was.”
“My efforts paid off. I found several animals with similar dormant genes, but the tests I did with them ended...not well to put it lightly.” I turned on a projector that flashed a few gruesome pictures of my first test subjects.
“Even though I had some promising progress, it wasn’t enough for anyone to aid me. They said the risk wasn’t worth the answers. Cowards.” I shook my head.
“I didn’t let my obsession get in the way of getting my doctorate, but my reclusive behavior required to keep my secret didn’t win me any friends.” I glanced at the picture that was out of the camera’s view. My statement was as true as it could be. She wouldn’t consider me a friend anymore.
No time to reminisce. Too much work to do.
I shook my head to clear the memories. “Despite the results, my experiments did give me valuable answers. Clues that paved the road for future work after I graduated. Perhaps the road of progress is built with bones and blood, but can one truly put a price on the Fate of the Future?” I sipped my drink to stop the rambling. Perhaps drinking before doing the recording wasn’t my best idea. I shrugged at the thought.
Too late now.
“Even graduating top of my class didn’t help me sell my research to companies. I might be one of the most brilliant minds of my Time, but with little to no surviving animal subjects, no one wanted to touch my work. I was forced to do more things I didn’t feel passionate about to pay the bills and fund what I truly cared about. The only thing I truly cared about”
I glanced at the picture again, my grey eyes narrowing slightly this time. I downed the rest of my drink and served myself another.
Only about one glass after that one. Get to the point.
“The balancing act of work and passion became too tedious for me and I began bringing my personal work into my professional laboratory. After hours, of course. I never did it on the clock and I always replaced what I used. It was more like renting than anything else. That only lasted until one of my assistants got injured when she came back to get something she’d left behind. My position was terminated and I was blacklisted from a great number of companies.”
I began rolling up my sleeves while I still had the coordination to do so. I could hear the slur starting in my words. I could hold my liquor fairly well, but the Fire Water my grandfather had made was nothing to joke about when it came to potency.
“I had saved up my own money, so I set up a home laboratory, the very one I sit in now. I was very close to a breakthrough. I could feel it. I was finally getting a couple of animals to survive and I was even able to keep control of a few of them. With these successes, I had hoped I could get my own approval for sapient testing.”
I picked up the card stock rejection again, waving it at the camera. “Despite my newest findings, they still denied me. Everyone. Everyone turned me me away! Can you believe that?” I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.
You’re ranting, Anthony. Back to the point.
“Several weeks ago, I received your letter. Your proposal was intriguing, but unethical at best. I was a bit surprised about that coming from a company as well known as yours, but you did make it clear you wouldn’t be publicly supporting this specific project if I showed you results. I wasn’t ready to accept it when it arrived. I was hoping I wouldn’t have to take this step.”
I stared at my nearly empty glass silently. The toll the fight to fulfill my dreams was undoubtedly visible. I couldn’t think of the last time I’d slept for more than an hour or two.
I took a steadying breath as I finished my drink. I poured the last of the bottle into the hexagonal glass that had been passed down to me with it.
“I have lost that hope. With no other alternatives, I accept your proposal. I will show you real results using a sapient subject. Myself. I imagine this isn’t what you meant by finding a ‘willing subject’ for my test, but with no others to turn to for help, this is what I have.”
I could feel the lump of fear in my stomach despite the liquid courage I’d been drowning myself in. This was my last chance to turn back. My last chance to decide I could put this obsession down and live a normal life.
The laugh that escaped me was laced with bitterness.
Normal life? Who are you kidding?
“On the tray to my left are my treatments. Through my various experiments, I have found that breaking the treatment up into six doses has the least negative results. That doesn’t mean there will be no negative results, but the least I have found possible. The alcohol I’ve been consuming this whole time actually has a purpose as well. It slows the uptake of the serum and will help prevent some of the remaining negative effects. Good thing my grandfather left me plenty of whiskey in his will.” I knew my laugh sounded nervous.
Get on with it, Anthony.
I drained the last of my beverage before grabbing the first syringe. I could feel my heart pounding and I wondered if the shaking I felt was visible to the camera. It didn’t really matter. Anyone would be afraid in my place.
It was only by chance that I had the dormant genes. Without those, this would just be a uselessly painful suicide.
It could still end up being that.
I found the vein in my arm that I’d been told as a small child was the one I should direct doctors to use. I chuckled quietly as I thought about the strange things my grandfather had told me before disappearing.
“This process is going to take a few days to fully complete. I have cameras around my living space that will be recording my progress. I have everything I will need for a month of isolation. If I survive this, these recordings and my findings will be sent to your headquarters for review. I hope to see you in person, Matthew. You sounded like a kindred spirit in your letter. See you on the other side.”
I shivered when the cold serum entered my system, the frigid feeling traveling through my veins. I disposed of the needle and sat back in my chair to await the first set of side effects.
“In five to ten minutes, I should start feeling the initial effects which should...include…”
Something is wrong.